


Through His Eyes- choose your own adventure

by Name1



Series: When Cara wore the helmet-various scenarios [1]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Choose Your Own Adventure, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Romance, The helmet, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25212874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Name1/pseuds/Name1
Summary: Looking around with a level head she notices that everything isn’t really dark at all. At the bottom left and right of her edge of vision were a series of blinking lights and numbers and a few small dimly lit gauges.  The light filtering in was dim, but she could see out through a stripe of transparent yet dark material across her eyes and down the front of her face--that shape was so familiar for some reason but she’s never seen it like this. A strange flash of recognition at that distinct shape of dark tinted material danced across her periphery and she managed to get her hands up to feel where her face should be but she was only met with the familiar smooth slopes of Beskar she knew like the back of her hand. What the fuc---Forget staying calm. She was panicked now.Din!Where was Din?
Relationships: Baby Yoda (The Mandalorian TV) & Cara Dune & The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV), Cara Dune & The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV), Cara Dune/The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)
Series: When Cara wore the helmet-various scenarios [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834258
Comments: 43
Kudos: 52





	1. A close call

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is probably the least time I've had to spend on a story since I started writing 6 months ago,so I apologize for the final product. This is not the best and I know I haven't had time to put into it like it deserves but work has been insane. I hope you find some part of this that you enjoy. Sigh :/
> 
> I'll go back and fix typos tomorrow.

Cara’s eyes open slowly but nothing makes sense. It’s hard to breathe and there’s a pressure around the sides of her jaw she can’t explain. Something is wrapped around her chest and she can barely move. Her head feels unnaturally heavy and she can’t turn it to either side. ‘I must be trapped in some kind of enclosed space,’ she thinks. _Was there a building collapse?_ She doesn’t remember anything like that, but her head is all fuzzy so maybe it’s possible. Her eyes adjust to the low light and she takes a few slow breaths to center herself. Her depth perception is messed up to all hell with the darkness and she tries turning her head the slightest bit to check her vision in both eyes. She can feel cool air blowing over her forehead, but all her breath is trapped near her own face and she can feel the warmth of it reflected back at her when she exhales. It’s a little claustrophobic, but she forces herself to remain calm--if she’s truly in a collapsed space, oxygen might get short sooner rather than later.

Looking around with a level head she notices that everything isn’t really dark at all. At the bottom left and right of her edge of vision were a series of blinking lights and numbers and a few small dimly lit gauges. The light filtering in was dim, but she could see out through a stripe of transparent yet dark material across her eyes and down the front of her face-- _that shape was so familiar for some reason_ _but she’s never seen it like this._ A strange flash of recognition at that distinct shape of dark tinted material danced across her periphery and she managed to get her hands up to feel where her face should be but she was only met with the familiar smooth slopes of Beskar she knew like the back of her hand. What the fuc---

Forget staying calm. She was panicked now.

_Din!_

_Where was Din?_

She remembered seeing his back as he ran ahead of her and then nothing.

…………………………………..

She should have known the day would have turned out great from the get-go. They had been together long enough to know nothing ever good happened when they were separated for a job but did Din listen when the universe tried to tell him something?

_No. Of course not._

Din had intercepted a transmission that suggested there was a deal going down on a nearby planet--another being sold for the same reason their kid had been bartered, and the decent human under that Beskar shell couldn’t sit back and do nothing so they changed course.

Din had convinced a hesitant Cara to remain on the ship with the kid in case there was more danger lurking here than they expected. He never liked leaving his son alone so they agreed to take turns on jobs watching him while the other got to do the ‘fun stuff’. He planned to take out the whole bunker built into the side of the hill by himself as he relied on Cara to feed him any information he needed. There were only 30 heat signatures in a five-mile radius, and only 15 of them in the primary bunker where he was headed. The remaining men were over a hundred yards away in what appeared to be separate living quarters with no connection between the two buildings across a large field surrounded by forest.

Din would go in, scout around to make sure the deal hadn’t already gone down where another innocent life would be at stake, before planting the charges and getting the hell out of there.

Easy enough.

Everything seemed to be going as planed as Cara monitored the movement of the heat signatures from the cockpit of the Crest with the kid in her lap. Din was making his way through the 15 individuals inside the bunker but it was the synchronized movements from the 15 heat signatures in the living quarters that made her stand and put the kid down abruptly. They were all moving toward the bunker as one, but given their path, they must be using an underground tunnel that didn’t show up on the Crest’s initial scans. The signal strength through that layer of earth, meant she couldn’t get word to Din he was about to be ambushed from behind so she grabbed a rifle and took off down the ramp without even bothering to don her top armor. The ramp closed behind her, signaling the kid was secure, and only then did she take off in a run toward the door (the only entrance and exit) of the bunker.

………………..

Din knew he was pinned down, but he tried not to panic. He was behind a blind corner and these idiots were rightly hesitant to round it in pursuit of him. They were shooting at the corner of the wall and thought the sounds of blaster fire this close was deafening, they only managed to blow away small chunks of the wall he was standing behind--they weren’t carrying heavy artillery. Still, he knew he only had so many minutes before the extra sets of footsteps he heard from their fifteen reinforcements gave them the confidence in numbers to push forward. He didn’t know how the extra soldiers appeared from across the field, but it didn’t really matter. He had managed to kill twelve of them before reinforcements pushed him back and his brain had to struggle to do the math. Eighteen still left …..

He ducked down into a crouch with his rifle in front of him, ready to defend his position, but instead of being charged, he heard shots start firing in the opposite direction. He heard a sudden increase in blasterfire and panicked shouting of numerous voices as he stood waiting to fire at the first thing that crossed his line of vision around the corner.

The only reason he didn’t fire blindly was he heard her familiar voice counting aloud as she picked them off, “twenty-eight, twenty-nine, annnnd thirty.”

She poked her head around the corner and was face to face with the end of his rifle before he lowered it. She sounded so pleased with herself as she said cheekily, “careful where you point that thing, Din. You might take someone’s head off.”

“Cara?” he asked in disbelief as he saw her standing before him not wearing any of her normal armor.

“You expecting someone else?” she asked, as her smirk only grew. _She would be insufferable for hours._

“What in the hell?” he asked, clearly less than amused she came to his ‘rescue’. She was supposed to be watching the kid.

“You must be pronouncing it wrong,” she responded. “That doesn’t sound like ‘ _thank you_ ’ at all. You plant the charges yet?”

He shakes his head. “No, there’s nothing here. It’s not worth wasting the few charges we have left. We can just blast it from the air on our way out or leave it for the locals to strip.”

She takes in the small chunks of concrete and dust covering his shoulder and reaches out to brush it off. He looked pretty much unharmed, but he had some small dents in his armor here and there they’d need to buff out later. “You know, I told you I should have come with you.” He would never know how she could manage to look so smug even in the dark. She just oozed it sometimes.

“Seriously, we're doing this now?” he asked, in disbelief. “You're saying ‘ _I told you so’_ RIGHT NOW?”

As if he didn’t see this coming…..“If not now, when?” she asked.

He huffed out an exasperated sigh. He can already feel a headache coming on. She had very selective listening sometimes and pretty much did what she wanted--as impulsive as the kid when it struck her. “You were _supposed_ to stay on the ship,” he reminds her. “You should have left me here to deal with it.”

She huffs air out of her nose. “Not likely.” _Like she would ever leave him to fend for himself if she had anything to say about it._

“Why not?”

Cara’s not ready to talk about something as unappealing as _feelings_ in a place like this so she nudges him to stand instead. “It's really not the time for that conversation right now. Come on get up,” she says, as he rises from his partial crouch. “I took out the rest of the guards. We can waltz out of here.”

“I’m not going to admit you were right, just so you know,” he says, as they start walking side by side down the hallway that will lead them to the exit.

“Okay Din, we’ll see,” she says teasing him with a knowing lilt in her voice. “Let’s go. There’s a green bean on the ship who will worry if we’re gone too long.”

He chuckled as he imagined the little grumpy green face awaiting them and put an arm around her soft shoulders devoid of steel plating. “Okay lets g---” he started to say--stopping midsentence as a strange sound caught his attention. His boots stalled mid-step as well.

He way he stopped midsentence made her nervous and she looked around in confusion.

“What?” she asked as she froze mid-step as well. “Do you hear something?”

They looked up just in time to see the air vents closing along the ceiling and a smoky white gas seeping up from the vents in the floor.

_One of the guards must have tripped the emergency system. Fuck._

They’d only have thirty seconds to get out. He’d seen this weaponized gas in action before. Thirty seconds of exposure and there was no coming back from it. It was fatal—the effects on the lungs irreversible. The airscrubbers in his helmet were meant for particulates but his helmet might could give him maybe an extra 30 seconds if he was lucky.

She wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Hold your breath!” he yelled to Cara, as they scrambled for the exit. “Run! Go!”

Din started counting in his head as he took off ahead of her to clear a path if need be. He believed her when she told him she took out every living thing in this building, but you could never be too careful. They should be able to get out in under thirty seconds, but it would be cutting it close.

One thousand one

One thousand two

One thousand three

……

Their lungs were burning from exertion and they had to take a breath.

……

One thousand sixteen

One thousand seventeen

………………..

They were almost at the door. ‘ _Thank the stars_ ,’ he thought, as the exit final came into view. He turned to his side, but Cara wasn’t there. His blood ran cold as he looked down the dark hallway for a sign of her.

He didn’t have to look hard. She was on the ground maybe 20 feet behind him and not moving. She wasn’t wearing her top armor so he never heard her go down.

………………..

One thousand eighteen

One thousand nineteen

One thousand twenty

He didn’t think. There was no time. He just took one last big gulp of clean air before he took off his helmet and shoved in on her head to take the full effect of the gas himself. With his face uncovered and his night vision accessory gone, his eyes struggled to see in the dark but he managed to grab her under her arms, lock his hands around her chest, and drag her the final 20 feet to the exit.

…………………………….

One thousand twenty-eight

One thousand twenty-nine

He finally got the door open and threw both of them through it into the cool grass and blissfully fresh air that he gulped down in lungfulls. The ground of the forest floor was soft and the tall trees provided much needed shade for his sensitive eyes. The instinct to cover his face in the open was powerful but not as powerful as his worry for Cara as she lay unmoving beside him.

Din estimated he had only experienced around eight seconds of full exposure to the gas and his lungs were burning painfully just from that. It was hard to draw in air but the adrenaline helped him push through the pain in his chest to keep a level head. Fear started to creep into his chest as he estimated Cara had around twenty seconds of exposure to the gas in her lungs before he placed his helmet on her head. Twenty seconds was far too long….. He should have done it earlier—he knew that now.

His lungs were on fire but all he could feel was the heavy feeling of dread as he took in Cara’s motionless form on the ground. His helmet still sat upon her shoulders and her hair was sticking out of it on one side haphazardly. He was glad in her haste to get to him she hadn’t managed to get her shoulder armor on, or the helmet wouldn’t have sat flush and provided the protection it had for the last 10 seconds of their exit. He felt a light pulse in her neck but he could see her chest wasn’t rising and falling as it should be.

He pulled his helmet off her head but instead of putting it on himself, he threw it aside in the grass to get a look at her. The first thing he noticed was her usually pink lips were pale and white.

“Okay, joke’s over,” he said, as he shakes her hard and slaps her face in an attempt to wake her. “You got me. I’m good and worried now. Come on.”

She doesn’t respond and starts to feel his worry turn into something colder and less forgiving. Cara is never this quiet. He can feel the dread creeping up the back of his neck.

“Cara?”

He shook her harder, holding and jostling her more roughly as he grows more desperate.

Her lips were no longer pale; they were turning purple and his fingers dug into her shoulders even harder.

“Come on,” he says, recognizing the frantic sound his voice is taking on. “Don’t do this Cara. Come on.”

He pinched her nose as he sealed his mouth over hers and breathed as hard as he could to get fresh oxygen-rich air into her lungs.

He felt her chest rise with the force of his breath but when he pulled back to check her over again but saw no change in her condition.

He thought about his very limited options and tried to be calm and think logically despite his mind racing. By the time he ran to get the kid and made it back it would be too late. Whatever he managed to do now in this moment, this would be it. This had to work. There were no other options.

“Come on”, he says as he cups her face between his hands. “Don’t you want to say, ‘ _I told you so_?’” The sound of panic in his voice was clear now. He was reasoning with an unconscious woman and hoping it would work.

He brushes her hair away from her face and feels sick at how cool her cheeks feel under his touch. “I want to hear you say it this one time. Come on.”

His face was almost touching hers with how close he was to her now. His bare face had never been this close to hers in the light of day before, but he couldn’t even enjoy the moment he never thought he’d get to experience. “Come on. My face is right here. Open your eyes. Please. Look at me.”

At this point he would have loved nothing more if she opened her eyes and looked straight into his. He would have been overjoyed if she saw him right now, with no room for panic or worry for what it meant to his Creed. He just wanted her to live.

“Come on, Cara. Don’t do this to me. Please.”

He rested his forehead against hers, losing warmth by the moment, as his efforts started to take a toll on him.

He breathed hot against her face as he caught his breath, refusing to accept there was nothing to be done. “Come on…we’ve just started to--” He couldn’t even finish that sentence. They had just started to explore this something that crackled in the air between them. The words that defined what they felt for each other still remained unsaid, but that wasn’t comforting at all. They both believed (incorrectly it seemed) that refusing to call their relationship what it really was would make it hurt less when they lost it or it was taken from them, but Din knew now it had been a fallacy--It didn’t hurt less at all. _It was agony._

They could have had so much more if he had been brave enough to tell her what she meant to him when he had the chance, even if the words made her feel like they were tempting fate. He couldn’t lose her now--not before telling her what she meant to him. He couldn’t return to the Crest without her—how could he possibly go home---their home—without her?

“Please.” He breathed another lungful of air into her, but he saw no change. He couldn’t feel her pulse any longer when he felt for it and had little to no memory of starting chest compressions through the fog he was fighting through. He wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline, his own exposure to the gas, or the suspicious moisture in his eyes that made his vision appear fuzzy. He wished the kid was here--it couldn’t end like this. She’d been stabbed and shot and taken down an AT-ST--it couldn’t be an invisible gas that took her out as he watched on helplessly. An enemy he could fight, but this was far worse…. he couldn’t do anything now but stay with her so she wasn’t alone at the end. He hoped she somehow knew he was here; he hoped she knew that she wasn’t alone.

His diaphragm hurt from forcing air into her lungs to inflate them and his wrists hurt from the force he was putting behind his pressure on her chest, but he could manage a few more before he had to stop.

“Cara please.”

“Please, don’t leave me. Come on.”

He pushed on her chest harder, so hard her ribs were breaking under the force, but he wasn’t afraid of hurting her. Ribs could be healed.

He blew air into her lungs over and over with as much force as he could muster until his own head was spinning from lack of oxygen. He laid his head down on her chest to catch his breath before trying again; he’d try until he didn’t have anything left in him to give her, but thankfully it wouldn’t be necessary.

He thought he’d just imagined it, but he felt dizzy with relief as he watched her chest rise and fall just as he was giving up hope of ever seeing that beautiful movement again.

Once. Then twice.

He waited while he held his breath in case he just dreamed he saw it.

After a suspenseful moment that lasted an eternity, he saw her chest rise and fall a third time and finally released the breath he was holding.

He heard a pitiful sound come out of her mouth and he thought of donning his helmet expecting her to open her eyes, but when she didn’t flinch, he just lamely held it in his hand and watched her closely like she might disappear if he even blinked. Her chest was rising and falling on its own, but she was still horribly limp.

The feel of cool air blowing against his hand where his fingers gripped the edge of Beskar that fit around his chin gave him an idea.

He knew she needed oxygen that was back on the ship, but he had to improvise until he could get here there. He acknowledged that it took everything he had to drag her dead-weight down that hallway and out the door and that was only maybe twenty feet. The Crest was hundreds of yards away—he would never be able to carry her all the way back in her current state. He needed her to wake up and though she was finally breathing in a rhythm that allowed his heart to stop racing, she needed a better supply of air than he could provide off the ship. If he could get her conscious enough to hobble back to the on-board medical kit there was an oxygen tank for just this purpose.

She was heavy and awkward to arrange while she was so limp, but he managed to pull her into sitting position with her back leaning against his chest. One arm wrapped around her to hold her stationary and keep her head from lolling forward while the other hand swiftly removed his helmet and placed it back on her head to flood her lungs with clean air. He monitored her breathing and pulse through his computer at his wrist and turned up the positive air pressure as high as it would go to ensure the maximum number of air exchanges per minute. He felt and counted every rise and fall of chest against him and he was so lost in the rhythmic and soothing sound he almost jumped when he finally heard her voice through the voice modulator. He’d never heard a voice fed through it from the outside before. _Weird._

“Din?” Her throat sounded damaged and her voice was quiet, but she was blissfully alive.

“Din? Where are you?” He could hear the quiet alarm in her voice, and she started to struggle in his grip as she became aware of her surroundings and being held down by his arms probably made her panic more.

“Cara. It’s me. I’m right here. I’m behind you. Don’t move. Everything’s okay.” Just saying those words aloud and hearing her voice made him feel like this nightmare was actually over.

She turned her head to the side to try to see him and he stopped her with a hand against the side of his own helmet adorning her cheeks. “It’s hard to see, I can barely see,” she said with a growing sense of alarm.

His voice instantly reassured her. “You have my helmet on, that’s why it’s dark. Your eyes are fine. Keep them closed and I’ll put it back on so I can get a good look at you.”

“What happened?” she asked in genuine confusion, as she feels it rise over her forehead and slide into place on his head over her shoulder.

“There was a white gas……you don’t remember?” He managed to get his arms under her and help her rise shakily to her feet. Luckily, it took too much effort to breathe for her to argue as they made their way slowly back to the ship. Once they got back on board though, it was a very different matter.

……………………………..

She looked like her eyeballs might pop out of her head as she finally understood the series of events that had transpired while she was incapacitated. “So, let me get this straight, you took off your helmet that was protecting you to put it on ME? Have you lost your damn mind!? You could have died!”

“You needed it more than I did,” was his only defense, but for some reason that didn’t seem to comfort her as she continued to lay into him.

“And THEN you set foot outside on a strange planet with your helmet off and your face on display for ANYONE to SEE who might have walked by?” Her voice was rising as she grew more panicked just at the thought of what had transpired as she lay unconscious. “What were you thinking?”

“What were YOU thinking?” he countered. “You should have stayed on the ship. That’s what we agreed. I could have handled it.”

It was rare he actually yelled at her and vice versa but tensions were high. “They were going to ambush you! I couldn’t sit on the ship and watch it happen Are you actually yelling at me for saving your life?” she asks, him, unable to believe he’s actually mad at her for providing an assist.

“At the expense of yours?” he asks. “Yes!” The thought of her trading her life for his wasn’t something he’d ever be able to accept and the little value she seemed to place own her own life compared to his pissed him off. The worry from the day was finally fading away but for some reason anger and frustration was taking its place.

She still wasn’t done, and her voice was getting stronger and more agitated as the gas wore off. “And what if there had been someone out there when your helmet was on my head. What then, genius?!”

They both knew the area was deserted but they were far too emotional to remember that detail from their reconnaissance.

“Then I would have been seen,” he said simply, like it was no big deal—like it wouldn’t have changed everything. “If you were dead, I wouldn’t have been able to give any fucks about them seeing my face. How would I have been able to put it back on anyway knowing you gave your life to save me--that this helmet that’s kept me from you all this time couldn’t even save your life. How could I have ever put it back on knowing you took your last breaths in it?”

“They would have SEEN you!” she yells at him again, since he’s obviously not grasping the seriousness of his dumbassery. “I’m not worth that you idiot!”

“Yes, you are!”

“I’m not!” she insists. “Keep your tin can on your head, you idiot!””

“You are worth it!” he disagrees with her. “Do you have to argue about everything!”

“I do not argue about everything!” she says, right up in his beskar-covered face.

“See! You’re doing it right now!”

“I am not!”

Din is two seconds from losing it, so he abruptly walks around her to head to the ramp for some fresh air. They moved the Crest several hundred miles away while they patched themselves up and he’s grateful they’re still on solid ground so he can have a minute alone with the door open.

Standing at the top of the ramp staring off into the trees he smells the musty aroma that always accompanies fresh rain. He knew she was fine—she _would_ be fine—but he was still shaken up. Strangely he knew her lungs couldn’t be that damaged if she could yell at him with that intensity. It almost made him smile. The sound of her temper directed at him was amazing given that he’d almost lost it forever. He’d take her yelling at him every hour for the rest of his life if it meant she’d still be here by his side to do so. His eyes were dry despite the humidity from the rainfall, but he refused to blink or let them close because every time he did, he saw her pale and unmoving on the ground. In his mind, her dark eyes, so full of life and light, were dim and her beautiful lips that she chewed on when she was nervous or teasing him were tinged purple. He reminded himself yet again that she was fine. _It was just another near miss, that’s all._

“Hey, you okay?” she asks from behind him and he pushes the button to raise the ramp once more, having had a moment of solace to collect himself. Her voice and the feel of her hand touching him reassured him she was okay--alive and worried about him.

Typical Cara--always concerned more about his well being than her own. ‘ _What would he do without her?’_ , he thinks _._ He ran that question over in his head numerous times and even asked it aloud to her in a joking manner when she managed to find his missing ammo or fix a hole in his favorite boot, but it wasn’t until this afternoon he was faced with the painful reality of what that question really meant. What _would_ he do without her? What would life look like without her in it? She had kept him honest; she had made him want to be a better man than he thought himself capable of. As much as he knew you can never live your life _for_ another person, so much of what he did, he did for _her_ \--he did _because_ of her. He did out of love for her and the kid. If that was gone, he feared what kind of man he might become, what kind of man he might revert back into, without her constant presence and light to keep his path clear. Life without her wasn’t something he wanted to think about for even a second, but for a few awful moments earlier in the day he had been forced to face it. He had lost her……

He remembered she had asked him a question. _Was he okay?_

“No, not really,” he replied, enjoying the feel of her hand on his back.

She looked like she was already anticipating that response. Her eyes looked patient when she next asked, “you want to talk about it?”

***************************************

So…..is this story and the conversation that follows between established lovers or two idiots who haven’t figured out what more they could be?

You decide

To read the following conversation if this story took place at the beginning of their relationship taking a romantic turn move ahead to Chapter 2.

OR

To read the following conversation in a reality where they’ve been together intimately for months skip ahead to Chapter 3.

****************************************


	2. Idiots to something more

“I thought I lost you.”

……………………

They had been friends for so long he could barely remember a time before she filled his life. Recently they had sent out delicate tendrils toward each other to test the waters to see where it might go since they both seemed invested in sharing the adventure of this life together. It was so obvious they cared for each other more than just friends, but this would never be a friends-with-benefits situation. It wasn’t a chance to hookup with someone for a night of mind-blowing sex and then go back to working together the next day until they needed to scratch an itch again. What they both felt and saw in each other was so much more than a physical attraction and maybe that explained why it scared them both so much. What they felt was real and if they decided to walk that road together both knew it would be for the long haul.

They had been more aware of each other lately and it was both achingly awkward and exciting at the same time. This feeling in his chest--his heart finally agreeing with his head and both feeling totally out of their element--this had to be what love felt like. Growing closer without any deadline or list of expectations had been wonderful and freeing and full of possibility, but the best part had been seeing the hesitant joy on her face that mirrored his with every significant yet tiny leap forward.

He always figured living with someone or a becoming invested in a relationship would be a constant push and pull with a never-ending list of compromises that would have to be made in order for things to work, but it was all so seamless and effortless it took him by surprise. During the day they spent most waking moments in the same space but they also retreated regularly to solitude when they needed space. The small touches they shared now were amazing but the touches during the day were nothing compared to touches they were starting to explore at night.

They had laid in bed together every night since they lost power for those 24 hours and that first night side-by-side seemed to be the trigger they needed to cuddle up together now without shame. Bedtime no longer required finding excuse after excuse to postpone separating for bed. Turning in for the night had taken on a new meaning when they shared it together.

They shared a single pillow and their nights consisted of a face nestled against a warm chest or cheeks pressed together when he curled his body along her back and rested his face against hers. If asked, he would insist that her hair in his mouth was definitely an annoyance and not something he looked forward to or purposefully buried his face in.

The mornings had become a hand across a warm stomach where a shirt rode up in the night or fingers curled innocently into the waistband of soft sleep pants.

Waking up had become their hands finding each other in the dark and legs tangling together as their ankles fought for the best spot to tuck into. Palms pressed warmly together when they both pretended to still be asleep and the lingering embraces were chalked up to the small space and the thin blanket forcing them to seek warmth in each other. It must have also been the size of the bed that made them cling so tightly together instead of loosely draping an arm over one another. If lips happened to press against a neck or collarbone, any moan was purely contributed to the process of stretching and waking up. It was easier somehow to explore in the dark, but it was starting to bleed over into the daylight hours too where they circled each other much more closely than they used to.

Despite their bodies cuddled together every night with gentle and curious hands running over sleep-warmed skin, somehow they had never kissed.

_Well……not really._

There was that one night though…..

Din couldn't fight the temptation to know what it felt like to kiss her any longer. Once, _just once,_ he had to know what she felt like under his lips. He only allowed himself a moment of weakness that once, as he kissed her lips when she was asleep, cuddled up beside him. He would never do anything untoward while she trusted him to sleep beside her and his lips barely brushing against hers was as chaste as a kiss could possibly be, but the taste of her lips and the warmth of her breath against him had kept him awake for hours. He wondered if she had really been asleep when hours later, she woke up and pressed her lips against the base of his neck in exactly the same way.

……………………..

He had been so standoffish since they returned to the ship and he rummaged around for the spare oxygen tank and accessory tubing. He wasn’t cold or aloof, but he seemed quite shaken up. He told her he had to breathe air into her lungs at one point when her breathing stopped but he didn’t give much more detail than that.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“No,” he replied honestly. “Today was the closest call we’ve had in a long time. Having something to lose is terrifying. I’m not used to it.”

“I get it I do,” she replied, letting him know he was allowed to feel whatever he was feeling.

He sighed and spoke again. “We’re just starting to get closer and it’s been amazing, but then suddenly it was gone. You were just……..gone.”

“I thought I missed my chance,” he says quietly, adding the words “ _with you_ ” so softly afterwards that she barely heard them.

“You didn't,” she tells him, honestly, stepping closer to him.

“You were dead. I had to breath air into you,” he said, replaying the days events over in his head.

“I’m alive,” she insists, reaching out to take his hand. “You saved me. We still have that chance.” They had never talked about this so candidly, but maybe today was the day.

She understood his reaction to what had been a stressful day for all involved, but didn't realize just how much he cared for her until now. The thought of losing him just as they were growing into their changing relationship was more terrifying since they were almost blissfully there after stepping lightly for so long. Was it the same for him? If it was, she felt guilty for downplaying the day’s events.

“It wasn’t just bad enough to lose you today,” he tries to explain, but feels like he’s doing a poor job, “it was losing all the years in the future that I’d never get to share with you on top of it. We don’t talk about it but things have been changing in the best possible way and losing the chance to maybe get closer and become something even more than we are now--that loss of a future that might exist one day--was hard to stomach. It still is.”

It made sense to her. He was afraid of missing out on something great between them because they didn’t act on it now. They had both been so cautious breaching this ‘ _thing_ ’ between them but at the end of the day it was the best thing either one of them had and the time for dancing around it seemed to be over.

She wanted this future too, and there was no time like the present--they might have needed today as a reminder of that. “You can be close to me _now ,_ Din. It doesn’t have to be this nebulous version of the future. Move closer _now_. I want you to. We both seem to want it, so what exactly are we waiting for? If there was ever a sign, maybe today was it.”

“You want… _.this_ ….like I do?” he asked her, gesturing between the pair of them in the awkward way they had both taken to doing when they tried to voice what was changing between them.

 _“ This?”_ She says, teasing him with a small grin. “You’re admitting there’s a ‘ _this_ ’ now?"

He feels the closest to smiling he has in hours. “You have to admit it's getting pretty hard to ignore,” he said.

“It is.” she replied

When she didn’t take the bait, he cocked his head at her, surprised. “You didn't make the dirty joke I set up for you? You must still be feeling less than a hundred percent.”

“I thought you wanted me to be serious,” she said, pretty proud of the fact that she kept from going for the obvious joke.

“I just want you to be you. As blurgg-headed and self-sacrificing and annoying as you are....”

“You don't have use sweet talk to get into my panties,” she said. “I won't be wearing them in thirty seconds anyway.”

The content sound of Din’s relieved sigh was music to her ears. She could hear the humor in his breath. “Ahh, there you are......I knew you were in there” he said, visibly calmer, as he heard the comforting beginnings of her dirty joke leave her lips.

“What? Get your mind out of the gutter Din. I _meant_ I'm about to get into the shower, unless you had other ideas….?” The shit eating grin she gave him was radiant and the fact that she only ever gifted it to him made him feel warmth where there was nothing but coldness only minutes prior.

He couldn’t take it another minute: Her teasing words and smile, her invitation to move closer and her admission that she wanted him to; the relief in getting a second chance after the horrible afternoon that had briefly taken her from him, and her dark eyes that he worried he might never get to look into again….It was too much……

“I’m taking off my helmet.”

“Okaaay….?” She asked suspiciously. “Haven’t you taken it off enough for one day?” she asked to be difficult, but her eyes had already closed automatically.

He doesn’t move and she stands perfectly still waiting to see what he was planning.

She can hear him breathing in front of her but there’s no words or no sudden movements to gauge his intent by. “What are you doing?” she asks, when it appears he’s changed his mind about whatever he had decided on.

She doesn’t hear him move, but his fingers caress down the soft skin of her cheek before moving to place his palm against her jaw.

“Stop me if this isn’t what you want, okay?” He said, barely a whisper from in front of her face.

“If ‘ _what ’ _isn’t what I want?” she asks, “you’re just touching my face.”

“You never stop talking. Has anyone ever told you that?” His voice is full of something she’s just beginning to understand.

“Once or twice,” she replied, “though both times it was you, so I’ll just say once.”

“You’re impossible.” He was so full of affection and love for this woman standing with her eyes closed in front of him he couldn’t have resisted another second if he had to. He had dreamed about the first time he would kiss her one day and had a list of circumstances where it would be plausible to press his mouth against hers and still keep his head on his shoulders—this definitely wasn’t on the list. This certainly wasn’t how he planned it would go the but the best things in his life had come along unexpectedly—Cara and the kid being prime examples. Today had opened his eyes--he had almost lost his chance:

His chance at happiness. His chance at having a family again. His chance with her. His chance to do this…..

He shut off all parts of his brain that were overanalyzing everything and let his instinct and desire take over. He tilted her face up a fraction of an inch and delighted when she accepted the movement without question. His lips brushed against hers so softly that the warm exhale of her breath against his face was a much stronger force by comparison. He paused to linger over the smoothness of her lips under his as he felt her push back gently against him. His lips were so dry, and in the second he retreated a fraction of an inch to moisten them she must have too, for when he replaced his lips over hers, they were now both warm and moist. Her breathing was heavy and he could tell how much she was fighting to control it like he was. When he kissed her again, they naturally changed the angle of their faces just enough to let their mouths fit perfectly against each other with the next pass. His second hand joined the first and before he knew it he was cradling her face in both of his hands as he pressed his lips against hers slowly over and over to savor the moment he had dreamed about for ages.

He kissed her once, then twice--soft and slow-- and it was so sweet and perfect it almost didn’t feel real. He had wanted to do this forever. With the third gentle kiss, the warmth was too inviting to resist, and her lips parted slightly as they both grew more comfortable and more bold at the same time. ‘ _How had they never done this before?_ ’ he thought. She was so warm and plaint under his mouth; following his lead perfectly just as they moved together in every other way. He felt her hand rise to his neck and the warmth of her palm felt like fire where she touched him. She pushed closer to him and he felt her body at every point along his. He tilted her head further back so he could deepen the kiss and she moaned at the feeling of his beard burning her chin at this new angle. It wasn’t clear who deepened the kiss further and it would be a point of contention for years to come, but when their tongues tentatively searched each other out and made that first warm wet pass to really taste each other fully, they both moaned so loud they had to break apart for air before laughing at how ridiculously drunk they both felt from a simple kiss.

He knew he should stop. He knew this was a huge leap for them, but he had to kiss her just one more time. He took in every little detail so he could remember it for years to come. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, her pulse thrumming quickly in her neck as her heart raced along with his. Her lips were swollen and wet and her cheeks and chin were pink and flushed from his beard rubbing against her soft skin over and over. He kissed her deeply, _leisurely_ , one more time as she melted into him. There was no rush and no sense of time, as they kissed once more and took the time to explore this new and wonderful part of their relationship that had been a long time coming. _He had to do this every day for the rest of his life. He just had to._

Minutes passed as they each enjoyed the warm wetness of the other’s mouth before he felt the warm glide of her tongue once more and he was lost. When she kissed him again, all pretense of a soft leisurely kiss was gone when she moaned into his open mouth and his tongue chased hers as they played and fought for dominance. He could hear his own harsh breathing, but it was the sound of her almost panting in her effort to breathe that snapped him out of his lust-filled state to remember what led them to this kiss to begin with.

_The gas pouring through the vents. Her motionless body. Her warm mouth under his right now as he refused to spend another day—another hour-- without showing her what she meant to him……_

“Cara. You should be lying down.”

She looked as drunk as he felt as they broke apart. “Okay, let’s go.” She kept her eyes closed but reached down to take his other hand to head toward their bed.

“I mean with your oxygen mask.”

“Okay,” she said uncharacteristically agreeable since it had finally sunk in how worried he had been. “Will you come to bed with me?”

“Yes. I’ll come lay with you like every night.”

“Will you kiss me again?” she asked, as she felt him reach for his helmet to hold it in his hand.

“If you wear the oxygen all night,” he bartered with her.

“Hand over the stupid tubing then. You drive a hard bargain.” She loops it over her ears and under her nostrils and Din can feel the cool air rushing under her nose and he kisses her lips softly one final time before putting his helmet back on so they can put the kid down. He loved how she sounded like she couldn’t wait for them to do it again. There was no faking the pleasure in her voice.

He was feeling high on pleasure and brave with blissful relief at finally kissing her. “Well, how was it? On a scale of great to amazing…..let’s hear it.”

“Shut up,” she said, but there was still a new pink color higher on her cheeks as she finally opens her eyes when it’s safe. “You could use some work, if you’re looking for a review. Good thing I’m so patient.”

He was grinning under his helmet and he knew she could feel it. “Yeah. It sounded like I could use some work when you were moaning like that.” He raised his voice into a ridiculous falsetto impersonation of her. “Please Din, kiss me again.” “Kiss me, please.”

She shoved him hard toward the bathroom, but she couldn’t help but laugh with him. “Don’t you have a cold shower to go take or something?”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m totally unaffected by your feminine wiles.” Admittedly, he knew it would have had more effect if he didn’t have to adjust his pants as he said it.

The look on her face should have made him afraid but he was far too excited to notice the way she stalked him like a cat and blocked his exit with her body.

“Unaffected huh?” She backed him against the wall and pressed her chest fully against his before running her hands down his stomach and panting heavily under the edge of his helmet. “Your impression was horrible. Let me show you how it would actually sound.” He knew he had made an error with how pleased she seemed…..

“Mmmmm. Din,” he hears her purr deep in her throat next to his ear, her warm breath sending goosebumps down his neck. “Please. Kiss me again,” she begs. “I want to taste you.”

He was helpless to bite down the groan that escaped him. He should have known better to tease her. She was so much better at this than he was, and she played dirty. Always.

His hand touched her waist where she was practically grinding against him. “Mmmm, yes. Just like that, touch me,” she said breathlessly as she rubbed her face against his neck and her hand roamed his chest. “Please kiss me. I need you so bad. Your mouth, please….. I want it.”

“Uugghh, Din,” she moaned open-mouthed against him, and he had to adjust himself as it went straight to his crotch. “Please don’t stop.” She bites her lip right against his neck and he groans as he feels the wetness of her lips and the heat of her mouth. “Can’t you feel how swollen my lips are, how bad I want it? Please, I need it. Just one more….”

“Okay.” He knew she was teasing him and not looking for a response, but he found it impossible not to agree to whatever she wanted when she begged like that. He didn’t even remember saying it out loud, but he heard his voice give in to her shameless begging.

“You don’t look so unaffected right now,” she said, as she took a step back and looked him up and down focusing on the fabric pulled tight over his crotch. She quirked an eyebrow at him, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable at all as she undressed him with her eyes. There was no embarrassment at all at his body’s response to her. This kiss might have been what it took for them to move forward to this new physical exploration of each other in the open. She seemed to like what she saw and he was clearly attracted to her, so what could possibly hold them back now? She seemed flattered and interested in exploring things further at their own playful teasing pace.

“You are a little shit,” are the first words out of his mouth when he’s capable of forming words again.

She grins at him. “I’ll see you in bed. Take as long as you need. I’ll just be laying there, waiting for you. It’s pretty hot, so I may just sleep in my underwear. Maybe you should too.” She was grinning so hard he worried her face might fall off.

“You are the worst.”

She snickers at his compliment. “Tell me how I’m the worst after I kiss you again.”

He was feeling stupidly brave outside of their bunk all of the sudden. Their affection out in the open brightness of the cabin was something entirely new and exciting.

“Can I kiss you in bed?” he asks, just making sure the ground rules were set.

“It might escalate pretty quick,” she admits. “I've wanted you to kiss me for months.”

“Luckily, I have self-control enough for the both of us,” he says, but it’s such an obvious lie he’s surprised he was able to get it out of his mouth.

“You make it sound like a _challenge_ and you know how I love a challenge,” she says, giving him the same face she gives him just before she beats him at his own game. “I must not have kissed you good enough. Let me try again.”

_Okay. He conceded maybe kissing in bed requires more thought if they want to keep this moving slow._

“—wait… months??” Din asks, when it catches up to his brain what she just said seconds ago.

She looked him square in the face and nods before repeating her earlier statement. “Months.”

He joins her in bed though they’re blissfully in their normal sleep clothes despite her teasing of dressing down just to torment him. If they were any more stripped down, he would really struggle to keep it together.

She snuggled up to him and they wrapped their arms around each other so her head rested against his chest and strands of her hair stuck to his lips. He smooths her hair down several times before speaking. “I'm glad you're okay. This day almost ended very differently.”

She doesn’t want to downplay it but she’s still feeling pretty euphoric from the kiss they finally shared. “I can still feel your beard against my chin. I’d say it ended pretty well.”

He had to admit there was that. Maybe she was right. Today didn’t end up that badly after all. He wouldn’t let his worry and what-ifs ruin this wonderful time with her after they shared the first of many kisses. He wanted to remember this day for this very moment and nothing else.

“You’re right,” he admits a moment later. “I'm here, you're here, and the kid’s here. What could possibly be any better than that?”

She smiled against him in the dark at his change of heart and positive outlook for the first time in hours. “I can think of a few things, but we have all the time in the world to figure that out.”

\---------------------------------------------  
  



	3. Already lovers

“I thought I lost you.”

…………………………

Before they had become lovers, even just her friendship had transformed him. He was a better father because of her and even a better Mandalorian because his path crossed with Cara Dune’s.

When they had taken that leap from friends to two people who spent every night in a tangle of sweaty limbs and breathless voices, he had initially been afraid they would lose what they had in the process of reaching for something more, but that hadn’t been the case.

He had never been so happy to be wrong before. Now they were even more than that….they were a real family and they didn’t lose anything in the process. They gained everything from taking that leap as if they were being rewarded for their rare display of bravery. Getting to pour himself into her and receive all of her in return had been the most joyous adventure of his life. He wasn’t sure what they had both been afraid of, but it had been unfounded.

Finally coming together had been nothing but joyous. No fear, no regret, no second guessing…. just them, finally together, caring more about the other person’s happiness than their own.

In the dead of the night cycle, the sounds escaping the sleeping quarters were just as likely to be moans and gasps as laughter and soft words joking with each other.

He remembers their first time so clearly that it would be forever etched into his memory, but it was the second time that he thought of now when he thought of her always putting him first. He had been half out of his mind with pleasure as it was only the second time they had slept together but he was so focused on seeing to it she got off first, he kept stopping himself just before he fell over the edge. Despite her moans and desperate cries for more, it was proving harder than he thought to get her to orgasm; every time he found an angle to give her what she wanted, it felt too good and he had to stop. Her foot on his shoulder seemed to really do it for her but it also did it for _him_ and he had to withdraw almost immediately when the change in angle and intensity made a warm tingle start in his lower back as her hips widened even more in this new open position.

“What are you waiting for?” she asked, breathless and panting--sweat covering her neck, where his open mouth kept savoring the taste of her this close to the edge.

“For you. I’m waiting for _you_.” His words were punctuated by a sudden movement from him as he took some of the pressure off his hands so he could sit back slightly.

Cara had moaned so sweetly, “don’t go” when he lowered her foot from his shoulder and pulled himself out of her—warm and wet and writhing underneath him. He could hear the disappointment in her voice when he withdrew but he managed to get both her legs over his shoulders before she could complain about the loss.

His mouth-- _his tongue_ —was what it took to make her fall apart and only after he enjoyed witnessing every second of her shuddering release, did he let himself join her in bliss. Proof that he actually got her off was his signal he could finally relax.

She laughed at him as he wiped his face against her sweaty leg before joining her on the pillow in the dark.

His voice was hoarse when he spoke. “Laughter isn’t usually the response that instills confidence, you know.”

“I’m laughing because you’re such as selfless idiot,” she explains with a grin still on her face, not wanting to hurt his ego. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. You’re allowed to get off first you know.”

“Not before you,” he insists stubbornly. “I’m not doing it right if you don’t get there first.”

“Maybe I was holding back because I’d get off watching you come first. Did you think of that?”

It was so typical Cara to put his pleasure before her own—to disarm his uncertainty or self-consciousness with a warm laugh. They had come so far in the months since, but some things never change.

To think he’d almost lost this….

…………………………….

He was so lost in the pleasant memory he had to force himself back to the present where Cara was waiting patiently for him to speak.

Din spoke first. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. You saved my life coming in after me.”

“What’s really wrong?” she asks, as she places her hand more firmly against his back and he turns toward her, though staying partially to the side so he doesn’t have to look directly at her face when he says what he wants to say. She’s wearing the small oxygen tank that clips onto her belt that Din insisted she wear and even has the plastic tubing correctly wrapped around her ears and under her nose like he instructed.

“You were gone,” he says as if that explains everything—his standoffishness, his anger, his quietness—all of it.

She can tell he’s shaken up, so she stays quiet for now and just listens.

“You weren’t breathing, and I thought I had lost you. I sat there holding your body, feeling the warmth leaving you, and realized that not only had I let you down but I couldn’t even give you the decency of an honorable burial when I didn’t know what funeral rites I could give you. The best I could think of was a Mandalorian funeral but that wouldn’t begin to honor your people’s beliefs. You’ve adopted so much of my way of life but you deserved more than a funeral in a custom that wasn’t even your own. The worst part was that I’d have to bury you as a friend. I couldn’t even grieve you as a spouse. We swore we’d always be together and said vows of committment , but I’m not your husband in a way other people would respect.”

Just then the kid walked up to her boots and held out his arms in his universal signal that he wanted to be picked up.

“Hey there little guy,” she says sweetly to him. “You are the biggest worrier I’ve ever seen, right behind your dad. So much worry in such a tiny little body. I’m fine see,” she tries to convince his big dark eyes that are scrutinizing her closely. She looks up at Din. “Let me go put him down and I’ll come back, okay?”

Instead of letting her walk away, he reaches out to grab her arm. She doesn’t put up any resistance when he pulls her to him and she wraps her arms around him with the kid awkwardly sandwiched between the two of them. “Hey,” she says as she touches the side of his helmet covered face, worried about his reaction to the day’s events. “You really okay?” she asks. “I know today was rough, but I’m worried about you.” She puts the kid down and he sits at their feet.

“Yeah, I’m better now that you have your color back” he says, taking in how much better she looks compared to earlier. “How’s your chest?”

“Why don’t cop a feel and see for yourself.” She couldn’t help herself, but he wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily.

“I know you deal with serious situations with jokes and teasing but today was serious, Cara.”

She can’t huff at him with the oxygen setup, so she pulls the cannula out from under her nose and tucks the length of tubing into her belt.

“Look. Everything’s fine,” she reassures him yet again. “You’re alive, I’m alive, the kid’s alive.”

“Yeah. I know.” He keeps saying it, but it’s clear something is still bothering him.

She thinks maybe she can distract him. “I still can’t believe you put your helmet on my head,” she says with an air of incredulity.

“Me neither,” he replied. “You looked ridiculous, by the way. Is that how I look all the time?” He was trying to lighten the mood for her. He didn’t want her to worry.

“So, do I get to wear it more often or what?” she asks. Feeling relieved at the fact that he seemed to be coming out of his funk enough to joke with her.

“You could always become a Mandalorian if you liked it that much, you know.”

“You're absolutely right,” she agrees. “I would make an _excellent_ Mandalorian.”

He had to agree with her. She would. She was the walking ideal of what his people once stood for--honor in battle, strength of character, force of will that matched the force of her body, family before all else, selflessness for those in your clan. She would make him proud if she chose to walk that path with him, but she already made him proud every day so it was a moot point. He never wanted her to think she had to change in any way, just as she had never asked him to change, so he went back to the humor that was easy between them.

“Never mind. There’s the issue with the helmet. It wouldn’t work.”

She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. If he wasn’t, that kind of stung. “What? You think I couldn’t earn it?” she asks. “I could learn your language and pass whatever hand-to-hand trial that’s required without having the armor.”

“No, it’s nothing that complicated,” he explained, trying and failing to keep he humor out of his voice. “Your head is just far too big. There’s not enough beskar in the Outer Rim...”

“Excuse me?” she asked as she cocked her head to one side _. So he wants to make jokes….._

“I’ve thought about it,” he says, and can’t hold in the laugh anymore at the look on her face. “I could scour every Imperial smelter and every mining colony for the next twenty years, but I’d never be able to find enou—"

She can’t help the grin that creeps up her face as the joke sinks in. “Your dad is asking for it, kid.”

“Me?” he asks in surprise. “You’re the one with no sense of self-preservation!”

He’s back on _that_ again? She thought they had moved on from the shitshow of this afternoon. Apparently, he still had unfinished business that even teasing couldn’t dispel.

“Are you kidding me? Me?” she exclaims, equally surprised. “You run head-first into danger like a battering ram.”

“You almost died!” he yells at her, though trying to keep his voice down for the kid who’s looking back and forth between them like he’s not sure who to be siding with.

“But I didn't!” she reminds him bluntly.

He doesn’t fight with her just turns his head away to look at the suddenly interesting paneling of the ship. His silence gives away that he’s much more upset than he’s letting on.

She’s not sure if he’s mad at her or himself or if ‘ _mad’_ was even the right word for what he was feeling. “Why are you so upset right now?”

“Because I—" he yells back her, _exasperated_ , before he breathes out his nose and forces his voice to soften. “You know why…...”

“No, I don't,” she says stubbornly, but she seems sincere. “This isn’t the first time one of us has been injured, Din.”

“You’re not stupid, Cara. You know what you mean to me--what we’ve developed and nurtured and fought for between us. I think it means as much to you as it does to me, but we’ve never done a great job putting it all out there. I almost lost you today because you felt like you had to come to my rescue. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

She makes a weird face. “Just because we’re _together_ now, just because we’re _involved_ doesn’t mean I’m going to turn into some someone helpless and gentle who turns my back to a fight so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I don't want you to change,” he insists, “but I wish you could be more careful. That’s all.”

She tries to see it through his eyes. “I understand where you’re coming from. I watched you almost die once, and we were nothing close to what we are to each other now.”

She tried not to think about it, but she knew one day he'd be taken from her too. They lived a dangerous life—they both knew that. She’d lose him one day like she lost everyone else. He’d either be taken from her or leave when she inevitably she drove him away with what a mess she was....but in the precious time they had together she catalogued everything: what it felt like to love someone and feel that warmth in your chest when you knew they loved _you_. She knew anything as good as Din and their kid was transient, but she was determined to hold on as tight as she could for as long as she could and not take a single day of happiness for granted. Losing him would really be the final straw--a blow that she would never recover from--but she couldn't do anything BUT love him in the meantime. As unlovable and difficult as she was, he said the same thing about her. He once told her he had no choice but to love her, and even given a choice, he'd still choose her time and time again.

He tries to do a better job explaining what he’s thinking. “When I met you, I didn’t want to get attached to someone and now I can’t live without you.” He pauses a moment before saying what’s really on his mind. “I…..I can’t do it anymore Cara. I can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. Something has to change.”

She’s not sure what she’s hearing or what he’s trying to say but the words she just heard make her feel like she wants to throw up. ‘ _Is he saying what I think he’s saying_?’ she thinks in a panic. He said he can’t do it anymore…..do what anymore? Be with her?

Her heart felt like it was dying. She wanted to crawl in a hole at the image his words conjured up, but she still had some self-respect. She wouldn’t let him see how devastated she was by his confession. She forced her voice to be even and calm as if they were discussing the weather or what to have for dinner. “So, you want to call it off, is that what you’re saying?” She hated the way her voice sounded so small. She sounded both afraid and disappointed at the same time, an unusual combination to be sure.

“What?” he asked in shock, not believing she could have misunderstood him so completely. “No. Gods no! Never!” He shook his head so hard his neck twinged. “I can't lose you. I have no clue what I'd do without you!”

“You'd be fine.” She says it to convince him, but also herself. No one knew what each day could bring, but if her time was up, she had to believe that Din would go on and live a happy and full life in her absence. This had been what they were both afraid of—growing so close to each other that living without the other was impossible; growing so close that going back to a life alone would be torture. His face he presented to her was still the same sloping plane of Beskar it always was, but she could feel his stress in his shoulders, his stance, and even in his breathing. She didn’t understand how anyone could ever ask how she could know what he was thinking or feeling under the armor. It was so clear. “Why are you so angry? What are you trying to say you can’t do anymore?”

“Do you really not get it?” he asks her. He tries to explain. “I’m tired of pretending that I don’t…...” he trails off as the words fail him. He tries again. It really all comes down to this. “Look, you can act I didn't say it.... but I have to say it just this once.”

“Say what?” she asks.

“That I love you, you giant hard-headed idiot!” he practically yells in her face. Not quite the romantic declaration a woman dreams of, he’s sure…….

She’s speechless for probably one of the only times since he met her and certainly since they became intimate; their bodies and their lives so intwined they could barely remember what it was like to be alone. It gave him satisfaction knowing he could still surprise her. He knew she was shocked not because she didn’t believe him or didn’t feel the same way but just that he had actually been the one to break first and say it, despite their talk of commitment only weeks ago that bound them together in an agreed upon marriage in all but name. It felt so good to say the words out loud and not just whispered into her hair after she fell asleep. It seemed like they did everything out of order, but there was no right way or wrong way to do this, and if it happened that they talked of marriage and children before they used the word “love”, well, that was just fine.

He tries to explain to her why he was so upset when this certainly wasn’t the first time one of them had been injured. “You are everything that's good in this life and for a second I had a glimpse of this life without you in it and I …..”

_It wasn’t a life that he saw…it was an existence._

She swallows and blinks rapidly a couple of times. “You’d still have the kid.….”

He scoffs at that. “Yeah, I’d still have the kid. I’d have to be the one to tell him the only mother he’s ever known had died--and died coming to save _me_!” He’s angry and his voice is more raised than she usually hears it. “How could you do that to me!? We’ve both lost our families, but this is different. This isn’t a family we were born into--it’s a family we chose. A family we made ourselves. A family we’ve talked about _expanding_. You just had your implant taken out a week ago so we could let things take their natural course and today you stopped breathing! Dammit Cara, I’m so pissed off at you right now!”

His anger was covering up his pain. It was obvious to her by now. She stepped into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. As soon as she was against him all the anger melted from him and he was just left with what was underneath: worry and fear, and the haunting memory of the moment he thought she was gone. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly through his nose to force himself to stay in this moment where she was alive and so very ‘ _Cara_ ’ against him-beautiful and strong and contrary.

Din’s the one to speak first. “When I said I couldn’t do this anymore, I mean I can’t keep going like this; not giving a name to what we have. It’s the most important thing in the world to me but we refuse to call it what it is.” He huffs out a frustrated breath before continuing. “I’m angry at _myself_ for letting it get to this point where we mean everything to each other and yet still can’t call a spade a spade. I’m angry at _myself_ that I never told you I loved you until it was too late; that I live my life behind piece of steel and when you were dying I _hated_ this stupid helmet that kept you from me; kept you from seeing me even once and kept me from seeing the color of your eyes in the daylight.” He’s just letting it all spill out of him, and he might regret it later, but right now he has to get this out. After all, he almost missed his chance.

“You say it doesn’t bother you, but it must. You never even saw my face months ago when we vowed to spend the rest of our lives together and you never saw my face when we talked about trying for a baby one day soon.” His anger has faded, and he just sounds resigned now when he speaks again. “I keep my face hidden from you for _what_ exactly, Cara? After this afternoon, I can’t for the life of me remember why it’s so important to keep myself from you. What exactly am I gaining pretending like a piece of metal means more to me than you do?”

He’s obviously upset and she tries to reassure him. “Your face doesn’t matter to me, Din. I'll go my whole life without seeing it, you know that,” she vowed, as she had done in the past, but those words hit Din differently than they ever had before. Where before it seemed like a vow or a promise, now it seemed like a reminder of how little he could give her.

“You almost _did _go your whole life without seeing it,” he states seriously. She felt like he had more to say so she just waited quietly. It wasn’t a moment later he seemed to get his thoughts together and spoke again. “I grew up being told that keeping my face hidden would be the greatest triumph, but at the end it didn't feel like a victory at all. It felt like I failed. It felt like I could have given you more and I chose not to. You've given me everything and I have _always, always_ given you less.” He’s felt this way from time to time but saying it out loud made it even more real. He always felt like he gave her less than she gave him but he always thought he had more time to make up for it. Today his time had run out…

“That’s not true at all,” she argues. “You have no idea how much you have given me.”

He appreciates her words but he’s adamant she sees it from his point of view. _Didn’t she get it?_ “You never even got to see me, Cara. I never even got to show you who I am.”

She wanted to make a joke. That was her natural response to stress, but she knew this was one of the rare times he needed her to try harder, so she did. “I know exactly who you are Din Djarin.”

She understood his reluctance to be vulnerable until it all spilled out in a single moment of stress and weakness. She never wanted to have something to lose again either. She had vowed to never open herself up to that kind of pain again; to never let anyone make her vulnerable again, but he had become that _something_ she couldn’t think to lose.

“You're allowed to have an existential crisis every once in a while, but not when you're in the middle of a stressful situation. This day sucked, but now’s not the time to make decisions that have long-lasting consequences until you’re thinking rationally again.”

“I'm really second guessing the decision to never show my face right now,” he says. “Watching the ones you love die without ever getting to look into their eyes--that can't be The Way I want to follow….”

He stares into her eyes through his visor like he can somehow will her to see him through it. “What this is between us _has_ to mean more than that.... it _has_ to. I know it does.”

Cara next words are calm and understanding as she begins to understand how much today has affected him. “Your beliefs have become important to me too, you know. We can talk about it when we've both calmed down and put several light years between us and this ball of dirt. I'll support whatever you decide but I'm here to keep you on the straight and narrow and keep that shiny bucket on your head through fleeting moments of weakness....if that’s what this is.”

His lips turn up at the edges under his helmet at how much she supports him without even realizing it. “What would I do without you Cara”?”

“Be a mess of a man who can’t manage to put his boots on the right feet?” she suggests helpfully, “but lucky for you I’m not going anywhere. All this really got stirred up from today?”

He nods in agreement. “Sometimes a situation can be a turning point; force you to reassess your priorities in life. I know we’ve avoided defining exactly what our relationship is because it seems like it would hurt less if we lost it, but I’ve changed my mind. I can tell you that it doesn’t hurt less at all.”

She’s quiet but it’s obvious she’s really listening to what he’s saying and it makes him want to get it all out in one of the rare times they seem capable of talking about the important things.

“I’m not suggesting you stay at home making dinner and taking care of our children barefoot and pregnant, but I want to talk about finally putting a name to this. I want it to have a name. _Us_. We deserve it.”

She’s looking at him so earnestly it makes him feel oddly exposed for taking the lead in this conversation like this, but he can’t stop……not after what he almost lost today.

“I want to talk to you about the things that are important without being afraid that if we discuss them aloud we might lose them. I want our family to be called a _family_. I want to be called your _husband_ and the father of your children. I want our marriage in all but name to finally have the name too.

She reached out and wrapped her fingers around his hand. He turned his hand over, so their palms were touching and she laid her other hand over top of his before giving her two cents. “Okay.”

He laughed at how simple she made it sound and how agreeable she was being. “Really?”

She must have sensed his disbelief because she snorted a small laugh. “We will this time. I promise you,” she vows. “We’ll talk about whatever you want to.”

He nodded against her. They were both getting tired now the adrenaline was finally leaving them.

She’d never admit to being wrong, but she could make a small concession for him just this once. “I’m sorry,” she says sincerely. “Not for coming to you when you were pinned down, but for making you worry. What will make this better? I don’t like seeing you sad.”

He knows one thing that would make today seem less horrible. “I know ‘ _wife_ ’ makes you want to gag,” he says knowingly, “but what about ‘ _spouse_ ’ or ‘ _riduur_ ’?”

She wrinkles up her nose at the word ‘ _wife’_ , but doesn’t react as strongly to the other words and he sees that as a win.

“I want to make sure you know this isn’t because I want to own you or lay claim to you or anything resembling a territorial display, but because I want to honor you and respect you and let everyone else know how precious you are to me...”

As much as she wants this, she wants to be honest with him. She might be a terrible wife and he deserves to know that up front. “I never thought of myself as a wife or mother, but I want those things with you. I might not be great at either of them, but I want to try……..if you do.”

He has no hesitation whatsoever. “Marry me then, Cara. I don’t want to pretend like you mean any less to me than everything ever again. I don’t want to be afraid of what might happen if we let ourselves be happy. I don’t want us to hold back from each other anymore out of fear of losing each other. Let’s try for that baby we talked about.”

He was expecting a long-winded response, but she surprised him with her sincere yet brief answer. “Okay.”

“ _Okay_?” he asked, daring to hope she meant what he hoped she meant.

She smiles at his uncertainty. “My answer is yes, to all of it. I’ll marry you. I don’t want to let fear keep me from enjoying every day we have together either, and the green bean would love to have a sibling to play with.”

“Really?” he asks. His whole face feels warm and his chest feels so light he doesn’t have words to describe it.

“Yes,” she says again to reassure him, “but you were right, the word ‘ _wife_ ’ is horrible. Tell me more about ‘ _riduur_ ’. It's gender neutral? The same for men and women?”

“Yes,” he answered, but he couldn’t believe it. _Was it really this easy?_

“It doesn’t sound weak or have a negative connotation in your language?”

He gets why ‘ _wife’_ doesn’t sit well with her. Luckily in his culture things are different. “No,” he replies. “It’s the greatest term of endearment and respect.”

After a brief moment of reflection, she nods in agreement. “Okay. I like that term then. So much better than ‘ _wife’_.”

Din can’t believe his ears. _She’s really on board with this._ He’s known Cara long enough to know when she’s placating him, and this isn’t that. He can see the hesitant excitement starting to bloom across her face. “Let’s go lay down,” he says, as the day finally starts catching up with him. “It’s been a long day and we don’t have to figure out all the details right now.”

She shakes her head fondly and wraps her arms tighter around him. “I don’t care about the details, but we have time to figure out anything you want. I just want you to be happy and to know this means as much to me as it does to you. You can call me ‘ _riduur’_ or ‘ _wife’_ or ‘ _sugarcakes’_ \--whatever it takes to feel like this is as real as we know it is.”

“I’m so calling you ‘sugarcakes’ from now on,” he says, and feels ridiculously happy when it earns him a glare.

“That might put a damper on the whole _baby-making thing_ since you’d be sleeping in the cargo hold….”

“What do you mean?” he asks, as his hands reach down to give her bottom a firm squeeze. “You love getting frisky in the cargo hold.”

She laughs and swats at his hands. “Shut up.”

“Whatever you say, sugarcakes.”

................................

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop a comment if you enjoyed this! I've really had to carve out time to work on anything lately so it would mean a lot.  
> I'm so behind commenting on everyone else's wonderful stories as well. I'll try to fix it soon.


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